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Friday, May 12, 2017

History in Retrograde

Those who fail to study history might do it again.”--William Pocorny Stareclough, 14th century British Philosopher

((General Washington's Press Secretary enters the tent.))

Good afternoon.
Yes, General Washington
will be going to Mount Vernon
again this weekend with his entourage.
We know this because
the slaves are already
clipping the grass while measuring
with rulers.
You know the future
father of our country
likes to hit boiled eggs
around the lawns with sticks.
Is he crazy? What an insulting question.
Next. There is no truth to the rumor
that Mary Washington is selling
Florida property to rich Brits.
We're not really at war with the Brits,
just call it an alternative peace.
We're all Brits until otherwise noted.
No, the Washingtons don't call
Mount Vernon “Mar-y-Languishes”
The colonial press pool will not be able
to go in the future president's wagon train
as there are many semaphore technicians
who have to be strung out
across the landscape
to keep The General in touch
with New York, Boston, and Philly.
Once in Mount Vernon
you'll each have two minutes
to file your stories.
I'm sorry to those from Chicago
and Phoenix,
you're not even cities, yet,
and well, we just don't have
a connection that far.
Yes, the future president
has promised to drain the swamp
but as you know
the Frenchie city designer
is falling behind with his drawings
for GeorgeTheThirdTown.
The General has ranted about that
in the dark of night to his cat, Tweets.
Next, Benjamin Franklin will meet the General
in Mount Vernon
to discuss his nutball idea
that one day lightning
will be used to send messages
on strings between cities.
There's your crazy person.
Oh, before he leaves,
The General is meeting
with the British ambassador
in the oval tent.
Only Brit press will be allowed in.
I guess they're discussing
something called
the Delaware Crossing Project
with the painters already
creating the picture
of the defeat
which you'll have copies
in your alternative history books
in about 200 years or so.
God Save The King.



Barry G. Wick


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