The Deflating Balloon

The Deflating Balloon

There was a pressure

As I gradually put my lips

To the elastic nozzle

Inhaling precious atoms

To fill this old balloon

I held it's contents in

Until I could no longer

Tolerate my memories

Of how I filled it

Day after day

Hour after hour

Being cajoled by family

To fill the balloon

At every special event

Then every day after day

Tired of the pain of pressure

I let go and watched it

Zoom about the rooms

Deflating in a flight of fear

How will it look in the mirror

As the wrinkles appear

It's not a diet

It's eating less more and more

I have no one to please

Making their meals

I'd lived to eat

Now I die to feel better

To be me in my deflated body

Barry G. Wick

Kodokushi

Kodokushi

[Lonely death in Japanese.  Many older Japanese die alone in their homes and aren't found until days or weeks.]

The last day I see my face

What thoughts will be in mind?

How grateful I was to be alive?

How sad I am I hurt so many?

How shamed I feel for actions

I did not stop?

These and more 

My children and grandchildren

The little I could do for them

The list of failures that plague me

Over and over and over.

There will be no next life

That so many believe.

I haunt myself

I am my own ghost

Staring in the mirror

Ready to disappear

Nothing remembered

No more pain

Sagging skin fading away

To songs I cannot play

Or sounds of my own heart

That pumps the day through me

Hours go up in smoke

With my mind ablaze

Turning to its last dreams

Barry G. Wick

Dear Missoula

Dear Missoula

Your service at my table

Was friendly and worthy

Of a closer time

A few kisses and the pleasures

Of our bodies

We fell in love 

I held those memories

With me all these years

I hope we are lonely

And worthy of the remainder

Of our lives together

Yes, this is my proposal

Neither of us will be young

We will have kept our memory

All these long years

I hope the years have treated

You with respect and you survived

All the trials that came our way

All the losses we felt.

All the hurt of our separation

Please come to me

Give up what you have

To share the little I have

Where I cannot leave

Write me now

Believe in my love

Barry G. Wick

Going Under

Going Under

Are these waves

Nothing about them is wet

They are full of memory

As painful as it gets

I'm reminded of guys

I knew years ago

Remembering every one

Their special qualities

I lose them at every step

Whether by their action

Or my telling them to go

My reasons were always

My family who would disapprove

I never thought for myself

My life didn't belong to me

So all I'm left with is sad memory

My later years alone

It's all my fault

This negativity continues

This emptiness is in charge

I can't step forward

What would they think

Who would I be

There's no profit

There's no benefit

Illusions continue to pile

As I tell myself I'm happy

Insert laughing here

Barry G. Wick

Pine Bark

Pine Bark

As a child

I was drawn

To the largest beings

In my neighborhood

The ponderosa pines

They lined my trail to school

They held a tree house

Made with injurious nails

Burned in our fireplace

Railings for a fence

Sitting next to one

I could peel  pieces

Of bark full of tiny holes

Pink and white underneath

The darkened and weathered

Surface chipped away

With a child's fingers

Little did I realize

Life would strip my bark from me

I was so strong and tall

Standing against the violent sky

The trees of the hill where I lived

Are still there so faraway

Their bark now seems

The softest skin̈

As I reach out to their motherhood

Barry G. Wick

Flakes

Flakes

Snow falls on an uncleaned porch

Kids knock to offer service

With their shovels

I have no money

To pay their price

Later

Opening the door

still snowing

The porch would have been

Recovered

Who would charge

To remove the new snow

I wait for the sun

Luckily still free

But you can bet

Someone tries to charge

For the open space to sun

LIke they do for the machinery

That cleans the streets

After the snow flies

Ah, the layers of government

In service of the economy

That won't send boys

To shovel my ramp

But who would visit me

And where would I go

The boys who want money

Would charge me for their use

Of my snow covered porch 

That no one will visit until

Until

I don't know when

Barry G. Wick

Death

Death

There is no rest in death

It takes effort to never breathe 

Just try to stop decay

It's terribly tiring

Then there's the dark

Provided your body was found

And coffinated 

Can you believe it

There are people who want

To be dead

Decoffinated

They accept being turned

Into ash

Ash

Then it's death as cement

Or some kind of clay fixture

Here's uncle Bob

He became a statue of Venus

Well he always was that way

He just loved shiny silk and such

Some go to space

It wasn't enough to be dead on earth

I suppose they couldn't take

The constant tears and wails

Having given some thought

I want to be loved by dogs

Where they leave their excrement

On some grassy ground

Chasing a ball

And maybe just maybe

Chewing on my bones

Barry G Wick

The intruding world

The intruding world

Here comes another bill

For healthcare needs

Another shock

When after fears

Of losing leg

Became a scream

To wake up to the

Last of life

The last days

The last week's unsure

It's just today buster

It's just now

When all I want is silence

The silence of Ramana Maharshi

When these words written

Or spoken or thought

Fail to live the way I do

Inside

Barry G. Wick

Grey Day

Grey Day

Sitting staring

The window spotted

A screen blotted here

This is a wait

For any change

In a darkened sky

Winters finger

In your eye

Barry G. Wick

Snow

Snow

Large flakes of snow

Fall on Iowa

These are reminders

Of the flakes of ash

That fell on Nagasaki

I feel their heat

As I wonder why

This comes to mind

Is it history

Or a forecast 

Of the fires to come

Barry G. Wick