Arbitrary

Arbitrary

There's celebration and remembrance

As this year comes to a close

It was my birthday this month

All measured in years

One revolution around the sun

Really a corkscrew as we go around

The Milky Way galaxy traveling 

Through space

How far away was I when born

Billions of miles

A year ends every day

How far do I travel in a second

I am lost now

A foundling unfound

As a child I could go

To the end of the road

And back

I couldn't climb to the rock

Mother I'm on this rock

Spinning out of control

Stop pulling me back

Let me swim in this emptiness

On my own

Ah

Another tumble into sometime

Such strange feelings

The great clothes dryer of space

Barry G. Wick

For the Living

For the Living

How is a person to live

When there is injustice

When it seems the guilty

Slip by the best of law

When people are attacked

What is to be done

To defend those who

Suffer a fist or evil words

There is only one way

as roads are blocked to freedom

Be sudden cymbals crashed

As others sing quiet hymns

Barry G. Wick

 

Mid-December

Mid-December

It comes every year

On an an age-old system 

The months are a part

Of time measurement

The strange clock ticks

Weather changes as earth

Rotates and revolves

It's not yet heavy winter

This year of rain and sun

Just one small snow didn't last

This home has traveled

On two feet and dreaming

Since it gained life and vision

There may be no tomorrow

That thought grows into next

Or almost a list of possibilities

Barry G. Wick

Doorway

Doorway

A cold and windy day

Outside and inside my life

Despite my gratitude

For all that life brings to me

Over the roof next door

Branches move in a tree

This rolling breeze strips

The remainder leaves to ground

Much like those tossed

Below the porch I stare

Across to the sea of grass

Of this tiny lawn between

What ate the walnuts

Thrown to my porch

Raccoons or possums

They'll have more tonight

Then I can't let more go

Their Christmas gift seen

From a poor man edged

In his walker at the doorway

Barry G. Wick

Survivor

Survivor

The silence of my younger years

has become the silence

of my older times

The world around me growing up

hated me

The religious claimed they were

salt of the earth

Any farmer knows

if they spread salt on the earth

nothing grows

They spread salt on my life

Yet through that poison

I still grew

Then HIV then COVID

Still with all around me

I've shut down

What is missing

Is love

Life to me now

Is like picking 

Tiny black lint

Out of a new white towel

Sisyphus weeps

If being homosexual is life

For you

Or transgendered

Anything different

South Dakota

Is a damn horrible place

Or anyplace where people

Believe in hate

Teach hate

Speak hate

See the world through 

Their hate eyes

And if a part of the indigenous

Where your ancestors lived

Is where you are hated

Not all no but enough

Enough

Barry G. Wick

Purpose

Purpose

You say you're getting older

And your life is slipping by,

Remember what your parents saw

With each well seasoned eye.

Even when the eyes don't work

And blindness ends all color,

Bright sounds make this life worthwhile

To some will seem so dull.

You are here to share the earth

It's sounds it's sights it's feel.

To share the earth with parents past

For them we make it real.

Barry G. Wick

Fateful Event

Fateful Event

Dr. J. Robert O father of the bomb

Walks into your living room

With a box that displays a red button

“You can destroy all who hate” he says

“By pressing what's here my friend”

How long will you think how long

Is it simple or difficult for you

You're not at war though the world

Is full of hate when the moment

Becomes a check on you

“May I ask you questions Dr. O?”

“More?” He says “More questions?”

Is it warmer next to your gadget?

It's all he seems to do you think

So you have the warm covers

To which you turn again and again

They'll protect you from hate

No need to use the bomb

When hiding is more powerful

Then in the Bhagavad Gita

“I am become covers of warm beds

To return to time after time

The destroyer of cold toes and

Things that go bump in the night”

Barry G. Wick

Conspiracy

Conspiracy

Hark the Herald angels

Santa Claus is coming to town

Born in a manger

Signaled by a star in the east

Next to the new Wal-Mart

Barry G. Wick

Reflections

Reflections

Sometimes

A few billion photons

Will hit a polished surface

To reflect someplace

Where the movements attract

My eyes

It is the same with people

II see what they reflect

Good or bad

Some reflections

Become rainbows

I see them and smile

From my dark life

Knowing the universe

Loves the colors

As much as I do

Barry G. Wick

Nobody

Nobody

It's great to be nobody

Who lives alone

Who has no one

Who has no arguments

Except in the silence

With dark days and rain

Of no importance

It's a great time of life

To be alone with the mind

Except the days

With memories of a past

Full of mistakes and stupidity

Everyday

Then I see Wanbli soaring

By the window

As he searches his valley

Along the creek

I feel he is my lifeblood

Come to visit

To take away this nobody

Inside of me

To screech his greeting

Sitting on the fir

Next to the house

He is the king

And I am his servant

It's all there is

To have a great life

As I scout 

the water’s edge

for big fish that jump

Into the talons

Of his majesty

Barry G. Wick

The Dreamer's Alien Abduction

The Dreamer's Alien Abduction

Upon his side a dreamer travels

Through unknown rooms and hills

He tells the truth to his partners

Even when he doubts his words

He wants confrontation from haze

That invisible creature of sleep

Cool air sits in light breezes

No sun shines on fellow dreamers

He learns the earth is a ranch

Where food takes  self-care

Feeding itself others and plants

While waiting for the taking

So lost with laughs at odd words

Because there is no truth

Just the images of dreams

Odd and otherwise at night

Laugh if you must at this

But is it known deep down

What happens when others

Disappear in parks and nights

Barry G. Wick

Creation of a Messiah

Creation of a Messiah

His Father is concerned

For his future as messiah

The heavy feet crush the sand 

Of the desert to fine dust

Since a desert is a good messianic

Place to begin as a future godd

He is arrested for wearing

Steel sandals on bulging feet

The arresting officer  keeps

His own feet and toes

Out of the way fearing

What he may do if angered

Not understanding his ability

To heal which will be a quality

Yet to be added to this first draft

A judge just asks him

To take off  this heavy footgear

Donkeys run away wildeyed

Crowds of people having heard

Of his prospective powers are shocked

When in his presence

Seeing the rope around his robe

Stretched tight to restrain his bulk

His Father is convinced he may become

An example for fat priests

Giving sermons in over-designed edifices

He rises through the clouds

Suspended by a tall crane

It's his way of getting to heaven

Without any miracle crap

That has become so boring

Barry G. Wick

Busy in the Kitchen

Busy in the Kitchen

To be a chef this time of year

Takes guts no fear

Carefully

I choose this soup's flavors

I ignore the ravers

They know what's ahead

As the chopping board

Turns bright red

First a Norwegian stout and strong

A Chinese laborer gave me a frown

Then African and Indian

Polynesian and Russian

This big pot has me in awe

For my Halloween mirepoix

Barry G. Wick

Fame

Fame

The story was about a teen boy

Who killed his family to be famous

I write poems to be forgotten

When I tell someone I write poems

Their eyes glaze over in a stare

Who knows what images crackle

Inside their voluminous brains

I feel as if I just exploded before them

It's a comfort that I've planned 

To be so little to most of humanity

Poets recite at inaugurals

To forgetful applause

Unpublished and I'm certain

It's a social death greater than HIV

There are pills for that now

A cure for forgotten poets

Will never be found

Even in rat infested gutters

Where clubbing rats is lauded

Barry G. Wick

Phosphorus and Hesperus

Phosphorus and Hesperus

(after a painting by Evelyn De Morgan, 1881, at the De Morgan Centre, Guildford, Surrey, England)  for Brian and Patrick    (this poem lost a contest for ekphastic poetry that cost me 3.5 British pounds to enter.)

Two young men

Sit on a beach enjoying the twilight

Phosphorus is going to sleep

From a hard day as the morning star

Hesperus is rising to brighten the evening

Their arms intertwined as lovers might

Hold each other tenderly

They are naked and not afraid of it

Anyone who sees them should not

Take notice or offense

For love is no offense

We sympathize because one

Starts the day and the other

Starts the evening

They live opposed

Yet find time to enjoy the twilight

With the gentle moment seen

In this painting by Evelyn De Morgan

She understood the love of young men

Giving it a platform to be seen

That hangs on a wall

We all know love is not something

That hangs on a wall

Will they play in the surf

Seaweed enrobing their manhood

Foam on their lips

They enjoy a sky love light

That doesn't exist on cloudy nights

Stars are so lonely that they

Gather in faraway clusters

Each with a different color shift

Reflecting their souls in chemicals

To the uneducated in searches

They do wet themselves in shallows

With sand that becomes a gritty shot

Of thrills for lovers on bare feet

It lives always both night and day

Phosphorus is the evening star

Hesperus is the morning star

Leave it to the Greeks to give

These lovers their names

Based upon what is seen in the sky

We do not judge them for their love

And those who do are probably from Troy

Phosphorus has gone to sleep

Just as Hesperus will 

After the work is done

Their love spills over Troy’s walls

That will come down forever

Just as forever these two 

With love 

give light 

 and Hesperus

(after a painting by Evelyn De Morgan, 1881, at the De Morgan Centre, Guildford, Surrey, England)  for Brian and Patrick

Two young men

Sit on a beach enjoying the twilight

Phosphorus is going to sleep

From a hard day as the morning star

Hesperus is rising to brighten the evening

Their arms intertwined as lovers might

Hold each other tenderly

They are naked and not afraid of it

Anyone who sees them should not

Take notice or offense

For love is no offense

We sympathize because one

Starts the day and the other

Starts the evening

They live opposed

Yet find time to enjoy the twilight

With the gentle moment seen

In this painting by Evelyn De Morgan

She understood the love of young men

Giving it a platform to be seen

That hangs on a wall

We all know love is not something

That hangs on a wall

Will they play in the surf

Seaweed enrobing their manhood

Foam on their lips

They enjoy a sky love light

That doesn't exist on cloudy nights

Stars are so lonely that they

Gather in faraway clusters

Each with a different color shift

Reflecting their souls in chemicals

To the uneducated in searches

They do wet themselves in shallows

With sand that becomes a gritty shot

Of thrills for lovers on bare feet

It lives always both night and day

Phosphorus is the evening star

Hesperus is the morning star

Leave it to the Greeks to give

These lovers their names

Based upon what is seen in the sky

We do not judge them for their love

And those who do are probably from Troy

Phosphorus has gone to sleep

Just as Hesperus will 

After the work is done

Their love spills over Troy’s walls

That will come down forever

Just as forever these two 

With love 

give light 

The Throwaway Poet

The Throwaway Poet

Thumbing through the offerings

Of an online low price book store

A book of collected poems

Of a famous poet whose life

Spanned part of mine 

Came with a very low price

Paperback I thought

A book I did not purchase

When it hit the stores

Just five short years ago

Because I did not have

The muti-decibuck price

For such a hardback tome

Here the same book shows

For less than the price

Of a small beef roast

I would have devoured

With all the drool deserved

It arrives in the post with another

Group of collected poems

Only these two great lives

Have set me back

Less than five dozen eggs

And a gallon of milk

Depending on the market

And the health of the flock

I'm udderly shocked

These great writers penned

Their lives upon these pages

Published most in small

And mainstream magazines

Gaining fame and stature

And here collected in books

Post life upon this earth

I could Ill afford when first

Their empyrean language

Was laid upon gold-covered

Shelves in fancy book stores

One book in paper so moderately

Priced I could scrape the price

From my bill of rotting food

The other hardback in hundreds

Of pages of fine paper

Covered in preserving plastic

A library so gently blessed

For all its readers now marked

Officially withdrawn from

The eyes of educated patrons just

Five years after publication

Now sitting so graciously

In front of my eyes bulging

With the voice of this god

So here is your life dear Sir

For me to gobble and ponder

The fate of my unpublished

Life and mediocrity galore

But such are the lives

Of all poets tossed upon

The heap of burning paper

The fuel of my cremation

Another throwaway poet

Devoured by worms and years

Barry G. Wick

To the Sea

To the Sea

I cannot speak to the Sea

I've been on its shore infrequently

Here I know it's predecessors

The rain the rivulets the gutter water

I have seen the remnants

Of the fast water in volume

That came down deep canyons

Destroying old banks of simple creeks

Scraping trees and rocks

Into torrents that rammed houses

Into kindling and people into graves

I have seen the Sea as adult

But mostly as a child falling 

From the sky to begin it's gathering

Into creeks and rivers

The teenagers of water 

That grow to fill the Sea 

I have seen the Sea as a youth

Petulant greedy for a bigger life

Away from small towns

That only remembers the father

That only remembers the mother

Oh you are the son of the June storm

What was it's name that doesn't matter

As all names that disappear into time

Soon surrounded by more and more

Waterfalls as they roll to the Sea

Does a river learn more or see

Itself corrupted by the society of water

As it heads towards your incessant

Lapping as if it were a thirsty dog

Even the breath goes high

Into the air to create the puffy screens

Hiding sun and stars appearing

And disappearing into the earth

All people are promised to you oh Sea

This ends all I know or suspect

All that surrounds the animals and plants

Who live in you that you surround

Be kind to me when I come to you

Let me see what I do not know

Even if your terrors split me dry

Barry G. Wick

Reflections

Reflections

Up this morning tuning

My internet gateway to music

Sitting in my walker

At the sink and the mirror

Shocked at my face

With long hair and beard

How many mirrors has

Seen this face and think

The first mirror was

On Quincy Strreet

From then on every day

Until the face stares back

Mirrors in three countries

Have seen this face

Not enough travel for most

But every emotion seen

From self-hatred to ecstasy

I'm in the mirror reaching

Barry G. Wick

The Shutdown

Shutdown

Shutdown the government say some

Let the halls become silent and dark

Return this nation to what was here before

Indigenous folk are ready rubbing hands

Around their waists are chains covered

In shiny new padlocks and handcuffs

Throw away the words of the Declaration

And burn all copies of the Constitution

If they want it back there will have to be

New documents that stand for the truth

How does anyone shut down equality 

Turn out the lights on already blind justice 

Where shall we meet to decide how poor

Elderly citizens will starve in cold homes

Who will become strange fruit in hot sun

Box freedom telling people that is all

There's only so much to go around today

Be sure to shred all the money in banks

Melt all the coins and turn in all bonds

Nothing has value until a new government

Let us gather to decide what this all means

There are no leaders so shut the old away

Until the nobodys filter to a new voice

Better than Franklin and good old George

All books of law are full of worms and wrong

There are no bills to pay until value establishes

In something better than gold, silver, and paper

With simple words agreed to write it all away 

Start it over to never care for your security

Let the States all die until a king is found

Make just one man decide for all people

Who will live and who will die by any decree

Line the naysayers up against existing walls

Bullets are free for believers to exterminate

All the children they want to bleed on streets

The victims no longer exist since power is all

The enemies come across all borders in peace

Willing to die for the nothing that now is wrought

Stone, paper, leather parchment cannot hold

What these acclaimed people glue with dust

Barry G. Wick

We

We live with our choices and what is within us.  We live with what we see in the mirror.  We live with our illusions.  We live knowing we can't see how others see us.  Through these facts appear the ghosts of those who gave us life over all the centuries of the earth.  Boo!

Pitchman

Pitchman

He stands in front of the studio camera

This space is designed to tire and hammer

Only money or email will save

Everyone from geegaws not needed

But are supposed to crave

This studied pitchman 

Is magically slick

In a comfortable suit 

He asks his audience to pick

Whatever he's selling 

He answers all questions

In a calm steady voice

He says they're only suggestions

The world will never rid the glowing screens of them

They'll glow and they'll grow each with their own special gem

I haven't a thing to sell just silly old words

The world is chock full of spewed

Alphabetic  turds

Hart Crane raged his alcoholic depression

Wondering if his writing was any good

I'm depressed but haven't had a drink

In many years

I don't care if my poems are good or great

I made my decisions for all of it

This life will throw me off the ship

Soon enough whether anyone

Bought my pitch or not

I've been bobbing in the sea a long time

There's plenty of time to drown

Barry G. Wick

Beneath This Minute

Beneath this Minute

Beneath this minute

Are the lies I tell myself

I think I’m okay

No better and no worse

Than others around me

The truth is that I’m both

I don’t read enough

But I read more than most

I’m fat and want to lose weight

But I find myself in a monthly binge

My home is fairly dirty

Justifying not cleaning with painful shoulders

These older years have taught me

None of this matters

I will lie to myself whether I think not to lie

Or whether I think I change to the truth

What is most important in my breakfast

And the tea I will make for myself

I look to the stove and see its on

Heating the water in the kettle

The outside of the kettle is a bit greasy

But the water soon to boil will be clean

I think about what I will eat

And the two choices might wind up

As eating both to my detriment

So I lean into my brain and scream

You don’t respect me Mr. Brain

I’ve now jumped onto the side of the worse

All of this before breakfast

Of either dry something

Or fried something

The third option is

Search the neighborhood

For a pet

To rip its throat

With my teeth

To enjoy my vampire tea

Barry G.Wick

The. Plastic Bag of Youthful Death

The Plastic Bag of Youthful Death

I threw away my journals

After many years of writing

Tiny letters upon painful pages

Just as I was making the me

So public that required I

Destroy my life before it

Went any farther so as

To have the many dig

Through those years 

Almost thirty years ago

All words from college

To Chicago on a train

Of paper rail cars

Now neatly shredded

By Craig's machine secretly

Screaming words torn

So they bleed into a plastic

Bag their letters separated

Much like cutting a chicken

Into unrecognizable parts

Only the shredders teeth

Will enjoy these memories

unseasoned and raw

These many minutes with

Multiple books all five

With many pages 

Of black inked dreams

And lovers kissed or held

Reduced to indecipherable 

Polluted trees for the benefit

Of others who don't want

The real me to read as

I've always done thinking

What others may want from

Me instead of me for me

Happily me on my terms

I've now discovered this branch

Where I don't drag all that

With me across the tear-soaked

Years that shadow other writers

Full of childish learning

Fumbles on the paginotions

My own word of my own life

Belonging to me doing it better

For no one else alone

Or read to a crowd I'll never meet

The ridiculous boredom

That clouded Larkin and others

Like Rochester telling me

She thought the painting

I bought for forty bucks

Should be destroyed 

Like young men's words

No one can stand to read

Barry G. Wick

hikikomori

hikikomori

the disease disappears yet

the isolation remains as the gorilla

a small room where it rips my face

as I wash it in the morning

rinsing the little dirt from the White cloth

the brain drys from the inside

or is it the new pill that grows teeth

yes teeth growing in my head

that chew up words more like

old strings of chicken removed

there seems no reason to leave

no one knows me here like old friends

Who never visit from miles away

phone calls useless chat in the dark

here we are behind closed doors

brothers of the dirty carpets

disappearing bags of food

that never nourish the tears that fall

onto a useless moment never ending

below our surface we starve for arms

hold on for the door knock

from someone never wished 

to be seen in rude trances

up the ramp answer the door

never again it's only rice and salt

Barry G. Wick

We the People

We the People

We the People are shadows

In dark corridors filled

With empty promises

They are paid to be dull

Unmoved by strong light

Or stunned in the headlights

Like herds of deer praying

Made in America are false words

As corporate welfare fills the boxes

Upon the porches for green thieves

Never mind the cameras

Never mind who sent it

Never mind who made it

Never mind who wants it

Never mind the hidden contents

Never mind the politics

America the Beautiful

Is full of garbage hidden

At the bottom of lakes

And rivers full of chemicals

Spun through piles of carbon

To give the impression of clean

Tin cans and plastic ends underground

The unseen corpses 

of supermarket shelves and warehouses

All of this is a reverse famine

Building the bloat of the blind

Pursuit of Crappiness

Don't read the words

Hear them from the elected fools

Who have made you in their image

They have no sense

They are founders of stupidity

Creators of the triangle wheel

They and them and theirs

Belonging to no one else

Semper fly

The genius of nothing

The knower of less

Empty thrills repeated

Every mountain can't be climbed

Every stream a wall

Every wall a target

All must stand at it

Look them in the eyes

Dream there is something

In that empty head

Just a thought is the trigger

Barry G. Wick

[Poem]

[Poem]

A new cloud

Imagines me

Laying upon a changing ground

I change my shape so often

I forget what animal I am

Or I'm created in chains

Of wisps of vapor

Colored by emotions

I no longer understand

To roll in this muddy life

Gives the changing sky

Dreams that fall away

I am sleeping 

Hoping to awaken

In a new belief

A new set of unruly pictures

Sliding around on glass

Barry G. Wick

Sad People

Sad people

I've begun to see

The images presented

As if I belonged here

With sad poets in old pictures.

The downturned mouth,

The eyes on the edge of blank,

From another time.

He looked like I could know him

But we're a hundred years ago

And I'm now wherever and whenever

That is.  That is.

My father described the kind of man

That I am.

The picture of my old love was sad.

Am I sad?

Only because I see

What others can't see.

I'm not special.

The illusions.  Every illusion.

It's almost as if

Well that won't work.

These are just words.

I'm lost in them.

Green gray blue red.

Impossible.

 Barry G. Wick

poem

Risk

Risk

It's a board game played

To give common people

A sense of power

Once only available

To kings and generals

Who saw that taking

Land and people brought

Great wealth and power

Every man becomes a king

When he is loved

by another

Love is the greatest risk

My country pieces

Have been removed

From the world map

I am now an unloved

Subject

A subject eats cheap hotdogs

Letting them fry in a small pan

The heat makes them pop

As they turn themselves

When a side becomes

Blistered and burned

Burned blisters come

from battles

In Risk

Barry G. Wick

(poem)

Few will understand me

Or remember me

Hate or love me

In as short as twenty years

Or even yesterday

Will you buy my perspective today?

I thought not

At the least I offered

What does anyone expect for free

The cost to each of us gives value

I've lost everything

So I must be rich

Barry G. Wick, part of 500 poems written by this author at https://agereasonmistake.blogspot.com

(poem)

Here is your daily dose of throwaway 

art

Here is your daily dose of throwaway Music

Here is your daily dose of throwaway Words

Here is your daily dose of throwaway

Sex

Here is your daily dose of throwaway

People

It's all headed for Mars and faraway

Stars

The oceans are filling with plastic

Ain't that fantastic

They come from a planet you can't

Pronounce only known by the ounce

Stuff me in your rectum play me with your

Plectrum

It's all a loss so says the boss now make

My eyes gloss with sphagnum moss

Holy roly poly Renato Podjoli

Fizzle me twizell gisele me bizzell

Modgrobble me bobble ubgobble yer tobble

Barry G. Wick

Https://agereasonmistake.blogspot.com

   

[poem]

Your last breaths seemed painful to me

I am certain of your last thoughts

As mine may be the same as I say good-bye 

to the world of pain I created

Speaking to you like Neruda speaks

To his mother would not be possible

I am tired beyond those black years

When I constantly cared for you

I did tell you I loved you as I put

My flabby arm around you that you

Could not put around me like your sister

Who showed me affection I missed

Your mother's words came to me

In missed caresses as you explained

Her cold Norwegian upbringing 

And the distance between you and her

What did you get from her in those

Years of vocalizing in Dakota's enclaves

As I remember her in her last year's

I felt little warmth in my failed heart

These vacancies have passed down

To my children and to me doubly

In these years of distance and emptiness

That have been left to me unpolished

Barry G. Wick

Parade of Kings

Parade of Kings

Out with the garbage

To the bin on the porch

Sit down in my walker

Slight cool on my skin

One then two gray squirrels 

Chase on the open street

In front of my home

A dozen or more tails

Round about a white car

Up on the tires or tailpipe

I think of the shooters

In Merry Ol' England

Entertaining by video

The viewers with death

Of these joyous creatures

Perhaps they damage

But where I wonder

The corn is not planted

No beans in small pods

So chase as they must

Play on my street

I am content to watch

More than I've ever seen

Tomorrow I'll take some

Nuts from my freezer

Try coaxing them up 

To where I sit in cool air

The years on my brow

Squirrels reign on my street

Barry G. Wick

Conundrum

Conundrum

The Buddhist chef says

"When you wash the rice,

Wash the rice."

Mindfulness of task.

I brush my teeth

In a mindful way.

My nose says "Hold on!

I'm dripping now. Mindful this."

No, I'm brushing my teeth.

"I'll drip through your mustache

And into your mouth," it says.

What can I do? I'm brushing.

"Mindful of my needs, please."

Throughout my day

Nose interrupts.

Obviously nose hates

A student Buddhist

Who hates nose.

Hate does not appear

In the Buddhist student handbook.

Barry G. Wick

A Memory

A Memory

This morning colder as I sit

At an old plastic sink

Brushing my graying hair

The man in the mirror

Looks at strands in a comb

Pulled from his thinning head

Across the room a radio

Plays a piano trio

Adding to the age

Of the moment

Someone listens to hip hop

They don't miss or know

This piece from an olden time

Just as I don't know theirs

Now there begins a sweet thought

Given to the time of day

A change in the eyes annouces

Both at the same time

Just minutes from the dreams 

Reflections meet each other

In a tear of a better past

That happens more in these days

Barry G. Wick

Three Years

Three Years

Three years in my home

To hide from disease 

That has killed more than a million

In this nation

It is a plague to be so isolated

This house is kept noisy

With music and videos

From the internet

A great gift from someone

Whom I love more than myself

Yet at the start of breakfast

The simplest comment or tune

Will set off the only images I have

The past years of my life

The people I've known and seen

Situations that angered and thrilled

Though often paid me in guilt

Often sad and painful

Here I am I say

To push away the memory

That intrudes upon this space

For some of these moments

I am grateful yet push them aside

As eggs and toast fall 

Upon a simple.gray plate

Coffee sugar milk

Butter scraped on crumb

The day begins with plans

That change from day to day

This or that simple creation

That won't last to inspire emotion

In anyone I love

About these lonely years

Full of dreams that frighten

Or give me laughter

Here I am Lord

As I refer to the majesty

Of the universe that surrounds me

Small and alone

Untouched for many years

Though I am not sorrowed

It's gratitude to have finally found

Myself

Barry G. Wick

Empty Spaces

Empty Spaces

If I had to think about it

The first was love

The first two weeks in life

Alone in the hospital

Except for visits and nurses

Mother left me there 

So she could get stronger

The list of fillers

Started to grow

Visible and invisible

My canyons were wide

And empty

Then there was pleasing her

Starting at age four

Though maybe before

Practicing piano

Only to please her

Because it didn’t come from me

I hadn’t developed my ear

A few more years at seven or eight

And I’d have heard what

I needed to hear

Then came food

I stole food

Opening cans of food

When nobody was home

Or when others were in other rooms

Then there was sex

Oh yes sex

An early interest of photos

Just two

Of guys that excited me

Though in junior high

I became obsessed 

With one or two boys

Who weren’t interested in me

I tried to be interested in girls

It just never happened

I was too formal

There was nothing natural

In my personality

It was all forced

I married and tried

But I couldn’t be natural

I couldn’t be the real me

And after that

Came alcohol

Despite my mother’s warnings

About her father

And my father's drinking

My forays here and there

Into booze were joined

By marijuana

Then sex again

And now years later

I just want to be alone

I just want to be me

In my own world

Imperfect

Fat

And lonely

But I’m me

The empty space is still inside

Like a next door neighbor

Who borrows a tool

Never bringing it back

I'd need that tool

It's not there and I'd forget

What happened to it

So it's become a comfortable

Nothing

I'm used to the hole

The empty I sense

But don't know what's

Suppose to be there

I'll never know

So I walk through this world

Incomplete

An unfinished building

With stay out signs

Barry G. Wick

From Father to Son

From Father to Son

He was born in a small 

South Dakota town 

in the east of the state

It was late in November

He would die on the same date

Far away 

in California

He returns to me

In dreams where I hear

His voice and see his face

An only child

His mother American Norwegian

His father American German

I see him again on rubber boats

A fishing pole in hand

Sitting at the breakfast nook

With a pencil in his fingers

Talking to a circle of professionals

Speaking to graduates

Sitting in his office 

Stumbling drunk in our home

When drinking with his friend

Carrying a deer rifle or shotgun

Explaining his trophies

Roaring in laughter

In our last phone call

Where he speaks to me alone

His cancer has odd names

While eating him alive

Faster and faster it grows

Inside of him 

Each word is chosen

With our histories entwined

In the silence of daily life

He tells me I'm his son

I blubber at that line

As I know it settles

An argument with my mother

Of years long before

When he questioned my paternity 

that hit my mother as hard as any fist

He probably never used

Her words to me on that

Made me wonder why I felt

A washout between father and son

When I'm suddenly transported

To a place on a ranch near the Badlands

Where he plants me

With my brother's rifle

Looking up a small wash

To silence me as he walks

Farther ahead to put himself

Unseen by me

From where I hear his gun

Down a muley

You're my son he says

It's an apology to my mother

And to me about our separations

That often appeared

As I've seen him throughout

Our years as he walked away

On so many occasions

From an interest in my life

Now so many years away

From that phone call

I understand the canyon

Between my son and me

Where I have no rifle

Only words to slay

Only words to say

I'm sorry I learned

The wrong lessons of parenthood

Passed from generations

To me

Barry G. Wick

Not Me

Not Me

I grew up as a homosexual

Locked in a town and life

Where no one can be.

I turned away love

At every opportunity

To protect my parents

From the toxic shame

I felt for just existing

It's an all too common story.

I am not special.

In fact, I am and was useless

In the eyes then and now

Of everyone I ever met.

I could not allow myself

To love anyone out of fear.

Later in life I would try

But failed at every turn.

I think of the boys and later, men,

Who found my heart worthy.

As soon as that, I'd find a way

To reject them.

A person who rejects love,

Deep, central love,

Is not worthy for any acceptance.

Nearer the end of life I see

Who I am.

I said "not me" to so many

With whom I could spend

These last year's.

I deserve these last year's

Exactly where I am

In a 14x80 prison cell

Crying at the end of every day.

Barry G. Wick

The Poet"s Garbage Can

The Poet's Garbage Can

A famous picture of W.H.Auden

Visualizes him with a garbage can.

The lid held in his left hand.

He wears a neat suit.

The can has a metallic shine.

What does he put in that can?

Or does he represent every poet

Who throws out the garbage

Of the creative mind.

This garbage might represent

A great loss to the readers

Of poetry, words and thoughts

That might benefit another person

Teetering on the edge of loneliness

Or sanity in an hour of strife.

We'll never know the thoughts

Of Crane, Plath, or Rochester,

A poet I knew as a young man

Who impressed so many.

Now he is unknown,

except to his remaining family,

And friends who made mistakes

With their friendship.

Perhaps the garbage can represents

The loss of all poets to history,

All their poems trashed by unknown

Companions or humanity in general.

We will never know because

This poem will go the way

Of all poems eventually,

Of all poets eventually,

Of all strings of words

In search of meaning,

In search of another human

To feel what Wilfred Owen felt

Searching on those stairs

That lead him to the garbage can

Of world wsr

That was France and death

In November of 1918.

What poems had a bullet hole

In his tunic? covered in blood.

My mentor told me to never

Use the word blood in a poem,

But what are poems but blood

Coursing from the mind

Through the voice

Across the distance

As vibration heard or unheard,

Ultimately ignored in

The garbage can of time.

Barry G. Wick

The Begging of Nobody

The Begging of Nobody

I provide a major corporation

Something for you to read

Free of charge

In between advertising

To sell you something

To prove to their worth

And make their corporation

That's controlled by a few people

And those few people

Powerful and wealthy

I provide this free

Hoping you might send

Me two or three dollars

Or just one dollar

So I can pay my bills

That are growing

Beyond my ability

To pay them

All my life I bought

Into the system

That now provides

Crumbs for my daily life

Poets are allowed to starve

Because poets think

The great powers

Don't want you to think

They don't want me

To think

We are having fun

As we watch

All this horror

Right now I lay

In my bed as I watch

A glowing screen

To make me forget

The pain in my stomach

I worry

There is no reason to worry

But I do

I believe I'll be gone

Soon enough

And these poems will continue

To enrich someone

Or this giant corporation

Upon its glowing screen

You read these thoughts

Thank you giant corporation

For nothing but your

Great wealth and power

I love you

Thank you for keeping

My brain alive 

Here

I love you

Barry G. Wick

Pronoucements

Pronouncements

I dream I'm once again

Creating for radio

A commercial or morning jokes

Surrounded by station staff

As I gradually awake

I still speak to them

As if I really know something

As the ceiling comes into view

My mouth spills words

That have no meaning

To my waking mind

Nothing remembered or written

Please call someone to help

Wonderful dream people

Who listen to my sentence 

A prison cell for more years

Than even a judge would call

I cause them pain

In their imagined minds

Even if they seem attentive

Barry G. Wick

Sunlight and Bills

Sunlight and Bills

I awake

Rested and ready

The sun brightens the overcast

I lay listening to music

Soon the day names itself

What does this mean

And details become clear

This is the day that bills hath made

So begins the waves of webpages

Designed to make me

Credit worthy

There are no cheers

When a creditor receives their money

A small crowd cheering

An audio thank you…uh…your name

It would mean so much

But no

The world is vision touch and sound

Perhaps one day

Personal robot (yet to be named)

Will pat me on the back

Raise its arms

Sending up a cheer

When I pay the rent

Barry G. Wick

The Mystery (for Jon R.)

The Mystery(for Jon R.)

When a person knows

The depth of their failure,

I mean all the misses

And all the hits

That couldn't have been

More wrong,

There is a sense

The road has come to an end.

It's easy to think

The end would be easy,

Except, one always has

To see what's around the corner.

Everything has pain

Associated with every memory

How much pain

Can our victim stand?

Well, more than you know.

It's the self-punishment

That's the goal

Of this disgusting life.

Pain.

It's the least that should happen.

Every photograph,

Every situation seen,

Is a source of horror.

Should this be an end?

Nope. Box of spiders?

Gun to the head?

Rope?

All jokes aside,

A cloudy day is enough.

Be good to this poor soul

Who has no soul.

Your reward will be simple,

But I'm certain I don't know

What it will be.

Barry G. Wick

Last Poem

Last Poem

Will someone who writes

The last poem

Please turn off the words.

Barry G. Wick

The Old Bracelet

 The Old Bracelet

Though all the storms of these past years,

A small token of a mother’s love remains.

A bracelet sheathed in a thin layer of gold

With solid links that are hard to open.

It may have belonged to her mother

Though I am unsure of the ownership.

It could have been a start of  a charm

Or a gift from someone loved for years.

On this bracelet three charms hang

Attached to one end in combination.

Here a small crown less than an inch

Next, a gold plated wing and name plate.

All three tell some story I cannot surmise

Yet, I am drawn to this bracelet today.

On the back of the name plate,

Mother’s name in simple line inscribed

Perhaps others items were upon it

Charms that meant much to her mother

Or perhaps this was all that was there.

My wrist now shares this bracelet.

At the end of my arm before my hand

Three things simply hang in discord:

A striped sweatband of blue and white,

Rainbow beads on white cord, and this.

The significance of all this escapes me.

I’ll wear them for awhile to find

What they will mean to me today

Or tomorrow, time brought them all.

Barry G. Wick

Illusion

Illusion

Father makes a funny face.

Mother wears the best clothing.

Other children are friends.

The piano teacher compliments.

A recital audience applauds.

Young men become attractive.

A magazine tells their truth.

Another features exciting photos.

Food is given.

The weather changes.

Teachers select readings.

A first job pays.

So little lasts,

From generation to generation.

It is possible to watch

The changes over a lifetime

Provided with long life

And care for it.

The qualities diminish.

Less courtesy.

More violent language.

More hurtful words.

All mistakes return

Nearer the end.

Expectations wane.

Gradually the stare

Takes over all things.

Even with a bright mind

This all darkens.

There is no relief

From this final pain.

Children now will suffer.

None of their joy remains.

The old sit on benches

To watch their past

Come skipping by.

Barry G. Wick