Responsibility

Having remembered a fun time

with a person

in a dream still asleep

I phone him

and invite him to go out

He makes an excuse

then I tell him

another time maybe

Awaking I know

he represents

everyone who has ever

rejected me

or

who I rejected

Sitting on the edge

of the bed

I begin to wander

through the memories

of my life

piecing together

a story of how

I've ended up alone

I find excuses

and people to blame

though later

I know it is

the person

on the edge of the bed

who sleeps in crumpled sheets

staring out a curtained window

at the new day

thinking he can change

the old day

when his unkindnesses

rejected others 
who wanted to be loved

I have arrived here

the result of shaming

fear of discovery

rejection by others

and my rejection of them

There's no chance

that I will find real love

in this life now

locked into a solace

and silence

in a home selected

to reject everything

that came before it

people places and things

who passed through the life

of the one I rejected the most

myself

Barry G. Wick