The Switch

The Switch

I found myself searching

for the switch

to turn myself off

giving myself

to the universe

for all time

I'd close my eyes

throw my head back

relax every muscle

only to fail my desire

This comes from loneliness

and the need for touch

A kiss or a hug

from someone who loves me

each of us unable to live

without the other

How can I find this person

in an age of isolation

topped by fear

of all joy

I know what this is

in depth of soul

It has come over me

before surrounded

by millions in a big city

more people

than my entire home state

where family was known

and I was welcome

before I changed my image

The search for the switch

ends at the wall

I try to penetrate

only to realize it will visit

when it is good and ready

on a day I will not choose

in an hour

when I will lose

the chance to turn off

the road of no return

I require no help

to stop my dark feelings

since there are reasons

to stay with this world

the continuation of atonement

for what others

call my sins and shortcomings

I dream each day

for an end to shame

life's gratitude can cease

Barry G. Wick